I’m awake but my mind is quiet.. like talking to myself monolog. Didn’t take ambien.

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Today it hit 102 and home AC barely even kept up. As I layed out naked under the fans sweating I noticed my most tender zones was sore and feels like I have a few bumps or lumps I might need a doctor to check out. Hate to lose a testicle over ignoring them.

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Mental healthy is sinking quick. Thinking tonight how Joy got off the train so I’d not be alone wherever I ended up.

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It’s weird how my anxiety has me so hyped up. Trying not to smother red but trying to think about life without that force is not sustainable.

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Perfect Memorials Custom Engraved Ebony Glaze Cremation Urn https://a.co/d/4pmdPyR

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Trying so hard to give red room. She needs it and is on her own emotional ride. How can I want her so bad but fear she won’t want me and this extra time is a waste of time? She won’t even meet me for lunch or answer my phone calls. Work is crushing my […]

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I don’t matter is all I hear or see.

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Not doing well. Thinking about July 17th moms bday and 6 year anniversary of her leaving by ambulance. Good time to leave for good.

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Not a word from her, I miss her. Maybe I’ll miss her forever. She posted meme to fb so she’s not dead like I should be.

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I feel like it’s one sided. She won’t talk to me on the phone and ignores my messages . I’m alone again.

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