Today I took a massive (in girth) shit and OMG I swear it got me high afterwards. Not as in oder but released some chemistry in body. Anyway if this is the worst im posting than ok?
I’ll not bore you with me collapsing twice last weekend and the massive bruises I’ve gotten. I’m not sure if I’m OK but I got to watch abby cap off her senior swm years with state runners up for girls and 7th in 100m breaststroke in the state.

Who said no news is good news? This weekend I’m in Harrah watching and rooting for Abby closing her senior year with 3 events shes made it thru them all. Tomorrow hopefully have some more bling.
Lexapro is tapering but still there. I have 1 molar left until I hit a red line.
Here’s some qualifications rounds today.
Oh yea.. I collapsed today and thankfully 2 guys help me not break my neck.

Bad and good.
Lexapro has helped my mood and maybe pushing some depression to the side. Bad is I’m now super impatient and borderline volatile when mad or pushed.
My teeth are again fucking up. I’ve said a red line in the sand is when I cant chew. Regardless of mood tooth and chewing are enough to end it.
Thought I’d try something cute since I don’t do Facebook anymore.

Started an old school anti depressive and notice a little bit. Also who told one of my senior cats that rescuing 2 kittens isn’t on my list.
Here’s a clip of them. I want to send them to the shelter but I’m afraid Gizmo is attached.

When it ends are we free from the struggles that bind us and weigh us down or does this mean we’re forever tormented to clean up our mess?
If you end it, does it really end?

Day by day.. not sure if the end in sight or a trap door. I have sever things that if met would trigger a fatal task.
Until recently I’ve not thought about a means. While I’d love to document my options I must remember that by reaching a preplanned options is an advanced but not firm as I’ve not settled on one.

Well, this sucks. I fell and left a deep scratch in my leg and knee. Blood suckes. I’m getting so bad my knees are not enjoying getting out of bed.

Do you ever notice yourself getting bad again…like, you know you’re not doing work that needs to be done, you know you’re not cleaning, you know you’re not taking care of yourself…you know all the things you need to do to start trying to feel better. But you just can’t.

I’ve been trying to keep optimistic. Lost my glasses and as I was leaving for an emergency eye appointment I found them by stepping on them. Now they won’t stay on my head. I’m afraid to bend them to much. The wilderness k own as my back yard may have eaten a kitten. Pudding is MIA and so are all the other cats. They know something is wrong.
The junk frees that are growing by the foot are now ripping my greeter and shingles off my roof. Its just fucked.
Moms bday was yesterday and I had her on my mind as the last 5 days ive been keeping myself sedated. 9 years ago the night if her birthday she fell and I couldn’t get her up alone. Fire guys got her sitting up and decided that since I was taking her to the hospital just let EMSA take her. That was the last time she would be home. Dishes are still in the sink for her to finish and her beds made for when she returns.
Yea, I’m fucked.