Chilling with mom and brought her breakfast. This is the gloomy view from her bedside. Yes somewhere in that freezing fog is downtown Tulsa.

Amazing thing my tablet does is notify me if I have an appointment at 4pm and I have the address on the contact or manually entered. If there is a wreck it will pop a notice in advance of my scheduled leave time or when I normally leave. It also knows my frequently visited locations and when I go. If I forget to set an alarm I normally have setup it will ding and remind me shortly after I normally set it. I love technology and embrace it. I don’t worry about big brother but only outsiders that can use my location and patterns for evil purposes.

Lots of things going on and I don’t know where to start. So I will just say forgiveness is something I want but am not in the place to ask yet. Given the last 4 days my world is spinning like a toy top.

I can’t even start to say how Alanis song “ironic” plays out. Having shared a fear/thought with multiple people about a “old topic”  and the very next few days the fear is made real. A song by Warrant describes what just happened.

The 6 hours of surgery were stressful not just for me but the fast so many people wanted to know everything NOW. I had planned to get some rotation and able to care for things while our stay in the CICU. Sadly I just had to contact the hospital volunteer coordinator to find someone to sit with my mom so I can go get showers and do things.

Today has been bi-polar.. I’ve had prayers answered and I’ve had nobody to pray with. Tonight I feel my church failed me. Not just one item either. I was disrespected and used as a joke, ignored by those that knew I needed help, left feeling like I was is a room full of people and I wasn’t visible. I wonder if I would have screamed if anyone would have heard me?  I felt as if I was vanishing to the point not even my own pastor whom passed me 6 times before service (I was 30min early) stopped to ask about mom or my blessing I got today to answer my own prayers. I know the staff was aware of both yet nothing… I’m sure they didn’t mean to but tonight I needed my church and it wasn’t there for me. My small group friends were occupied and have no hard feelings and if I wasn’t in tears when I left service I would have snagged them before I left since they were cleaning up..

God please watch over my mom tomorrow.
-jc

We are quickly getting ready for the procedure. Keep my mom in your prayers as I can assure you I will be posting up a storm soon.

This is from my Facebook..

The days are starting to count down and things are getting to the “I don’t want to know” stage with mom. Things like what jewelry is in which safety deposit box at what bank and where keys are. I know these things are questions I hope to never need to know. This won’t be the first or second heart surgery but this one will certainly be the most dangerous and have the highest risks. I can’t say it’s common but as an only child while growing up and having mom 3 times hospitalized for near fatal illnesses, I guess I’ve grown used to the anxiety build-up. It’s not in my hands, there is nothing I can do than pray and grab a chair.
Multiple times a year our team holds the “lives” of our viewers and they trust us and depend on our talented staff to give them the best info. My key job is to be outside the big glass box making sure we don’t miss something else. Not only the viewers but my co-workers telling us what technology can’t.

How do I handle the stress?  I goto the gun range..  No realistically there is no leftover stress just question “did I provide my co-workers, competitors and those I care about the correct information and in a timely manner?”.

So soon I’ll release the date to the public but a Thursday soon if you get a txt or message from me please keep in mind I’ll be most likely in a waiting room scared to death looking for friends.
I will say same as family to you, my friends. I do not want anyone in the waiting area with me. I intend to do lots of things and feeling obligated to share/chat are not on my list.

So this last 5 days has been crazy.  Friday I started with back ache and Saturday I spent most of the day on my back. Sunday mysteriously I was pain free and after church I helped with over 100 bales of hay a day pumpkins. Monday I wake up fine and went to work and just wrapped up breakfast and instantaneous migraine. I am not talking slowly or rapid I mean I suddenly started seeing bright dots from left eye, pain behind left eye and base of my neck.  If I covered left eye headache backed off and floating lights we t away. Neck still hurts. I went home at 6 a.m.

Several months ago we had a top secret project with the shooting a movie and giving detailed forecasts.
Today I received bt FedEx..

December I’m formally invited to the US opening premier in LA.  I have got get a hotel, tux, airfare..  Plus will mom be stable?

This has been a wacky week. Had some great time with AJ and some long conversations about future. Friday night went to M&R and saw a bunch of newer church related friends and finally was relaxed.  Saturday has been a day reflecting. For the first time in months I need my support system and its failed. AJ doesn’t answer calls text or email.. WTF.  1% is N/A and the next 2 are Mia.  I fucking hate this weekend. I wish I could go in a coma for a few days.