How unhappy does one have to be before living seems worse than dying?

Yes it will be a grace if I die. To exist is pain. Life is no desire of mine anymore.

5 days after payday. Paying only bills I’m at 30.00 and the 15th I get got with 600 and 224 withdrawal that’s not there. I missed two weeks of work because my alleged suicide attempt.
This is why people kill themselves. The weight and stress of waiting for the world to crash down.
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I’m out. 13 days to payday and anyone that’s helping me doesn’t get that I went a full 2 weeks without a check and in order to keep power on I had to make arrangements and pay those. I’m ready about to give up. I was going to disappear for a while but can’t even afford that now.
I really just want to relax and not worry about what others think of me and if I will still have a job. Without a job I see no reason to continue and I long to play with Domino and spot any to hug my mom.

I’m about to hit 2,000 debit in 1 day. I’m sick of being alone and being told to auction stuff or sell things. Well fokes I’ll leave that to the estate people because currently I’m looking into ways to end this simulation.

I’m tired of being alone. The last girl I kissed was 8 years ago. Still never kisses a guy. I’ve tried to get into relationships but they don’t work. I’m alone. Cassie has a full family and by no fault of her own and my not bothering her and when I do comes across as I need something. Friends I never expected such as q2 years ago I help a kid I didn’t know in person over a few weeks and jump ahead to no. This kid donated a nice about to my OW. Amazing treating someone with respect even if they were 14 at the time that will come back to help.
My life is ruined, the only saving grace is to go thru and label stuff for different people that may be able to make money to cover my final expenses. For cremation.

Life is short, why not get up and leave the story of your life early? Nobody in all of time has said you have to stay till the end. It’s as easy as hugging those sitting with you and walking down the isle never to be seen alive again. Life always has an end. When it comes its 1 of 2 ways. You choose it or an unknown algorithm chooses it.
I’m more adapt to choosing myself. Maybe once this movie is done I can go revisit some of the places where I was once happy. From there figure out if I enjoyed them if so maybe I need to move. If not then I’ll store those happy thoughts for my worst times so as I’m dying I can die while smiling.

It’s been 8 years. Wow

Things bleak, an in place, waiting for right time to remove the safety net.