Saturday morning I woke up about 10 =) I’m digging this sleeping in stuff. I goofed off around the house and enjoying the A/C all day I only left the house to go get some food and played on a few dating sites. I hit the hay about 930.

Sunday.. I woke up and made my way to church. Cassie brought her new boyfriend to church and lunch that we had afterwards. Monday is Cassies birthday so I was planning on buying her lunch but she bought lunch before I could offer. I came home and checked to see what I might need from walmart and I proceeded to visit wally world and fight the rednecks for a few items. I wanted to stop by atwoods to get a squirrel feeder and corn cobs to keep the squirrel out of my bird feeders. I have now counted a total of “5” doves that are frequent visitors of my deck feeder. I bit the bullet and mowed the yard but had to do it in sections so if I got to hot it wouldn’t look like I half asses the yard. I was able to get the entire lot mowed. I’m thinking about getting a shed for the back yard to store some stuff including my lawn equipment. I think if I can get a storage shed I can get the garage empty then I can park in there =). I am thinking about selling my truck so I need to get it on a battery charger to make sure it will fire up.

wow.. just wow. I slept like a rock however I had my 1st nightmare about braces. I’ve read on all the message boards that they happen but i thought I was immune because most have them prior to getting braces. My dream was I ate a candy apple and after breaking 3 brackets on one side I went for the other side and removed them as well. I was trying to think up a story to tell my orthodontist and then I kept touching the brackets hanging there on a wire. It was wear because I woke up with my fingers touching my brackets in my mouth just as I was in the dream hence the nightmare reference. I woke about 5 and then had a snack and took my pills and went back to sleep to wake around 10am. I layed around the house and watched TV for most of the day. I went out with the singles group from church in the evening and had great Mexican food where I got to meet some new friends. I met 1 young lady that was cool to hang with so now I have 2 in our group that are fun. We went after dinner to see prince of Persia. The movie was something I would never pay to see again. I stopped by a brand new QT on the way home and got some milk. I was finally able to talk to my friend from Florida because we always never cross times when we can chat. I got to talk to her about lots of things that are going on.

Today is Thursday June 17th 2010. I really don’t care how many days are left in the month/year but the project is 13 days away.
I didn’t post yesterday because I had a busy morning then a 30min nap before having to go back to work for storms. I had to laugh one of our Mets left the windows cracked on his mustang as a storm came thru yesterday hahaha.
Today (Thursday) is my Friday. I’m out of here as soon as I wrap up my post-show and going to go home and try to get a few hours of down time since napping will never work. I’m getting spooked with July 1st and the rest of the project starting in only the recent days had I noticed they were giving me issue with wires poking me and dry lips and mouth all the time. If I was smart I’d swing by today and have they snip my wire off but I have wax and hate bothering them to get an appointment. But I also am paying them a shit load of money so I should get all the appointments I want! Tonight is the Tulsa Blogger and Twitter meetup is tonight at the Drillers game. I’m craving ballpark food. I will be hanging out with a ton of ppl I dunno and gaining new friends.
Soooooo I wen to the not-so-popular blogger/twitter/anti-social thing at the park and it was very not attended. I think a total of 20 MAX thats including children showed up. I got to see a few of the social media peeps I see every event but not really an new people. I was kinnda disappointed. I left in the 4th inning because I was tired even tho I had planned on staying the whole night. I came home and didn’t pass go and stpped directly on bed and was out like a light.

Updates later as needed.

So it’s tuesday and I totally forgot to copy my date stuff in and I’m on the iPad or I’d copy and pase but all you need to know is I have 1 (insert 2 days here) Wow I totally stopped in the mist of a post.. lets see Tuesday I took the iPad w/me to the zoo and hung out for a few hours. The iPad seems to get hot and shuts itself down after a bit it returns. I saw a couple and kinnda got grossed out at the zoo he had his hands firmly up his girls shirt massaging her boobage. Agh. I sent home and watched TV then slept.

Hey guess what day it is? It’s Monday beoootch..

So my day started with a txt asking if I was up about midnight.. Of course I’m not up and my TXT alerts are on vibrate because my phone gets all the watches/warnings for the damn state it seems. I heard it go off but figured if it was important they will call me or call my skype (PC next to my bed rings megga loud my version of a home phone). Sooo about 1 my phone rings and I sleep thru it.. I finally wake up to the voicemail beep and call back “did I wake you?” NO I was asleep. I came in a bit early with some fries from whataburger. NOTE they sucked this morning all the small pieces. I got in and it was pouring cats and gerbils. I brought my toy to work today and thought I’d play with it when bored. I wasn’t aware that OKC was going to go ape shit and flood. By the time our shows were over I was on KW’s site moderating all the pictures being sent to them. I then had to gear up because as it always happens what hits OKC hits Tulsa. We’ve been watching water rescues and stuff all morning out of OKC and knew that there was a chance that some of this could move our way. It was but slowly deteriorating as it moved east (thank god). I had a busy noon show and really not more than a normal severe weather event and I can hold my own with a slew of chasers and phones ringing off the hook. I looked around and my precious iPad was missing. I shrugged and thought I’d left it somewhere because I’d been using it to help watch the KW chat room that was flooder with people at work. It seems a sneeky person had slipped out with it to play. I’m glad I didn’t have any porn on it or anything jeez. It was recovered with a few muffled curses. I stayed till my cross-over time (on-call shifts to another under normal situations but I’m still on-call to come back) then went home. It was pouring still and the creek next to my house was out of its banks as it gets when we get a rainstorm. I’ve seen it WAY out of its banks before and trust me this was a small amount. I got home to goof off and play on the internet and reply to a few website’s and such then watched the 5 & 6pm newscasts so I knew what I’d be dealing with in the morning. I’m fully expecting to be in ready for hell and high water around 1-2am. oh yea get this.. SOME FUCK (err shithead) drank my slim-fast I keep for times when I can’t leave the office and eat. UGH! Ok I’m going to bed before I vent I broke a record 4 pieces of floss tonight. I hate shredding floss but its only going to get worse the 1st of July. What was 3minutes is now 10minutes and I’m sure its going to double when I get part 2 on. Ok enough I’m hitting the update button and going to take a “pill”.

So if you know me personally or you are one of the select few that knew about the “project” then you probably already know most of this but most likely not all.
On May 22nd I got a request/message from Julie on FB.
On May 27th I replied asking what was going on and asking her to tell her family i said hello but was more interested on why after 8 years I Was hearing from her.
On June 1st I got this reply

Hi….actually I’m kind of glad to hear from you. It is good to know that you are doing well. It has been a long time and I’m not sure I want to share much but I am glad I have this opportunity to say some things. I hope I can make amends with you about everything that happened. I know I did a lot of things and made decisions that hurt you. I know it has been a really long time and that may be the furthest thing from your mind but I hope that you can accept my apology. If not I understand, I just needed to say that so that you know I am truly sorry.

I hope your family is well also.

Well that was a change for not communicating for 8 years. I did some digging and her FB gave a lot of information that I needed and the local records run on her shows that she was divorced last year from the guy she “cheated on me with”. I found out she “likes” Celebrate recovery a christian based 12 step program and that she Liked “Souther hills baptist church” with a quick search that church hosts celebrate recovery. I wasn’t trying to ding up dirt or anything to use in a negative way more so curious.

I replied back with a fairly long reply explaining the years of (prescription) drug abuse and such I asked her a few questions like “why” “when did it go wrong” etc. At the end of the communication I advised her I had long forgiven her and wasn’t looking for that from her and I alluded to the fact I felt her e-mail was more of a canned reply that had to do with “Step 9”.

I was at a funeral on Friday June 11th when I got a rather long reply that answered several of my questions and she was honest about it. Hell even one thing she mentioned is still one of my problems up to the writing of this post. I’ll be selective about the quotes here but I’m not trying to put her in a bad light.

James,

I know that you were not looking for an apology. This is not something that I feel like I have to do. This is something that I need and want to do. “Amends” may be a recovery word, but I am being very honest when I say I want to make amends. I see this as an opportunity I have and I do mean what I say.

And now, “him”. All the sudden I had feelings for someone that I had never felt for my own husband and I could not understand what was going on or why I felt that way. It was a horrible feeling. He asked if I was happy and I couldn’t say yes without feeling like I was lying. I didn’t know what to do, my mind was consumed with it. Did I have an affair? In my heart, yes. Emotionally, yes. Physically, no, never. I didn’t lie about it then and I have no reason to lie about it now.

I can say she was honest in her e-mail and I have to take her at her word however you call it this is still cheating and the reason I filed for divorce. The last thing I’ll quote is the last paragraph of the e-mail that several people have already seen.

What have I learned from my past? The main thing I have learned is that I can’t look to other people to make me happy. That is what I have done for too long and I know I have to let my self esteem and self worth come from God. Expecting it to come from other people has just hurt them and me. I have learned that I tend to base my decisions on current feelings instead of the facts. I have learned that my selfish choices based on what I was feeling at the moment caused you unbearable pain. I can’t change what happened back then.

There ya go. I have the answers, apology and closure I needed and hopefully I’ll have another 8+ years of not talking to her. Thats the story>
What have I learned from this communication with an ex? I’ve learned I still have things to work on that she pointed out and yes this is my blog. But I’m not about to post my issues 😉 If you read my stuff and have read the archives you know my issues.

I hope that this post doesn’t put her as a bad person but a person saying sorry for bad choices. Oh yea if your wondering what I claimed as my errors in this marriage to get her replies. I didn’t give her any reasons to force this. I was never expecting the last e-mail.

Its sunday .. enough said WARNING long post.. and there is a hyper-jump in the middle so I do skip around in this post.. I forgot my ADDHD meds 😉 j/k its already worn off..

I woke up perky and bight eyed at 4am this morning and there was no turning it off. I was ready for church departure about 7a and my alarm to get up doesn’t even go off until 7:45. I went to walmart and roamed around for a bit then came back home to play with my ipad and load up my church service on it so I could use it at church. I got to church and as normal I saw Cassie turn in about a mile before church and followed me in. We have that timing down pat even if were running late we always run late together w/o knowing it. I mentioned in the post for yesterday that I’m doing more social media recently and departing from my set base of friends and such to meet new ones. I have a friend I’ve known since I was 14 and worked with in radio a few times. She was let go this week to allow a new format to be placed in. I’ve seen her tweet about her church a few times and I also talked to my friend over at the NBC affiliate and taught her how to do something called #FF or Follow Friday. Its where you tag the followers or friends on Twitter that you think others should follow or get to know. I was tagged about 6 times which isn’t the biggest but it was more people that already followed me and I’ll fully admit I’m a twitter snob. I can’t follow or keep up with all 450 that follow me and still dedicate time to those I already know. I really don’t think about all of the fokes that follow me that know a ton about me. I mean hell my twitter links you to this blog. My FB links here ever since I’ve made my blog more public to say. Anyway back to the SM story. I’ve got a Tulsa Drillers ballgame Thursday night where about 40 bloggers and god only knows (30-60) twitter peeps which over the last 2 years I’ve met most of the social ones. Today at church (hyper jump to new topic) I talked briefly with Pastor Mark who is the associate pastor but to be honest if he were to start his own church I think I’d ponder going to it.. I like him because he’s the only staffer that knows me by name and I’ve been going for 2 years now. I also like that he knows what I do and where I work and he hasn’t tried to get me in the A/V stuff as much. I left my last church because service was more a job than church. I broke out the iPad and had an old couple next to me shocked like I was playing wii in the service. Wow.. Anyway after church I went by work and showed my friend Dee the iPad because she was wanting to get one. I had her play a race game that requires you to use the iPad as a steering wheel and it made her sick to her stomach. I felt bad but I wanted her to know it was fun also =).. I came home and ate some food stuff then went out in the 90+ degree humid crapy weather and mowed the yard. Mind you I have a massive back yard for a neighborhood. The lot the house sits on is oversized and I could easily put a full in-ground pool in and still have room to park 3 cars. I got the yard done in about an hour and came in to shower and watch some world cup soccer even tho I thought it was funny the germans were kicking Austria’s ass hardcore 2-0 when I started and by the end of when I watched was 4-0. I was thinking about returning my iPad and getting a 3G version but I remembered there was a old hack on my old windows phone that would create a proxy hotspot and allow me to use the internet from the cell carrier and still use the wifi to connect other things. i.e. long to short I can access the internet on my ipad via my cellphone for free ( I don’t pay for the phone service ). I think this will be a very cheap way to do things.
So back in 2008 I started looking around singles websites and such. I created a profile on a few services and forgot about them until the other day when I was searching myself to see what data was out there since I’ve been investigating my ex-wife ( oh yea thats a whole other post soon ) and found one that I still had active and was pretty much accurate. I’d not logged in in over 3 years but still had a few things worth using. I cleaned up and updated the profile and deleted all the un-read messages that were 3 years old because it seems people give up on searching you where your idle for a few years. I know when I scan them I do a week or less on activities. I found a few that I thought weren’t all faked out like “I love camping, long walks on the beach and the one thing that gets you blocked or overlooked is the phrase ” my kids” *ARGH* I’m not really a kid person because I would feel I had to be a role model and if I want kids I’ll #1 buy some of the black market, #2 make my own with someone I love, #3 eBay.. Anyway I think I have 2 that I thing are funny in their statements and/or likes the same stuff as I do. Now Don’t think I hate or wouldn’t date someone with kids or that wants kids. Thats not what I’m saying.. more of “I don’t want to casually date someone and meet their kids then disappear and worry about the kids. I have enough worrying about with the girl I’m dating. Wow I’m on a rant today. Sorry if your still reading this.
I decided I’m going to bed early.. Might update this entry in the morning to reflect any other random thoughts.

P.S. OMG my wire in my braces is poking me now on the other side like I’m a whore in a porn flick. I’d get it cut but they are replacing the wire in 2 weeks anyway.

Today is Saturday, June 12, the 163rd day of 2010. There are 202 days left in the year.

Happy Saturday in the big town of Roxville. Today I didn’t do much other than mow most of the yard and pay with the new toy (iPad) and watch me some world cup soccer. I never watch soccer or really cared about it since I ref’d it when I was a kid. Had a very tropical atmosphere today wth brief downpours then massive humidity busts. I really broke one of my social media rules. I have over 450 followers on twitter yet I only follow those I’ve met in person or a service such as CNN etc. I even then have my lists tweaked to only watch the active ones. I have a few ppl wanting me to try a new church thats held at a local high school. I think I might drop in to my church next Sat night and then the new church Sunday morning since I can’t double stack them due to times. I had a fairly drama free day.

Today is Friday, June 11, the 162nd day of 2010. There are 203 days left in the year.
So I got paid this morning and notice I forgot to include a day so my check is short. I have enough to get that iPad but still missing some $ hurts. I have a funeral today at 2pm and now looks like dinner with a friend at 7. I’m thinking I might snag a nap between work and the funeral. I’m still thinking about not going but dunno. I’m confused and just checked my credit card and don’t want to use that to buy the ipad so I’ll just save up for it.

So I went ahead and got an iPad today. I went to the funeral at 1:30 and left at 5pm. Got home long enough to play with the iPad a
Bit before dinner with Lindsay. Dinner went well and had her back to work fairly early. Now I shall try to sleep. Oh yea this update is off the iPad 🙂

UGH!

Today is Thursday, June 10, the 161st day of 2010. There are 204 days left in the year.
This morning I stopped off at McDonalds and got some chicken nuggets but oddly they were semi-cold. I don’t know if they pulled them out early or gave me really old ones.. They didn’t taste old because they weren’t hard.
Wow I got busy for a bit and totally forgot what I was going to say.
I got home about 11 and went outside to check on my garden. I pulled a few weeds and after a few minutes back inside I noticed a rash on my forearms. I washed my hands/arms and took 200mg of Bendryl. I started feeling queezy and generaly blah. I curled up in bed and tried to relax because I knew the bendryl would rock my world and by itself would make me be in bed. I tried to eat thinking that wasn’t happening. I have been researching the iPad now for a week and I’ve been to the Apple Store to play with one. I’ve been impressed with the speed and usefulness of it. I’m probably bite the bullet and get one this week. The wifi only version is $499 but if I want 3G its $625. I’ve been on the fence on which one I want. I would like the 3G so I can use it anywhere and there is no contract. I however like the wifi only but it has no gps. The 3G has a full GPS in it and could come in handy on trips etc. I think the movie viewer would come in handy as would the massive ipod this thing could be. I’ve really been on the fence. So much my ass hurts from the fence posts. Its a lot of money to be tossing at a toy. I’ve been trying to think of a work related reason I’d need one so I can write it off. =) I tried to goto bed at 5 but woke back up at 10 and had a few slices of toast before trying to go back to bed.