So this year’s 2nd book ened better than one last year. Our sales teams are already waiting on the non-tech versions of ratings to be calculated but it looks like our ad rates will go up some more

Storms.. wow all thru March and April we waited and waited for a good negative tilt to give us the right mix for some nice rain to help our drought and maybe a tornado or 2. Well once we flipped the Calendar to May and the weather world was all over the “Tornado Drought” until the 19th. We took a few big hits this season so far and I’m glad to say that I should be writing “hundreds maybe a thousand killed or injured” on not just one but 2 storms. Sadly we lost 3 very good and well versed scientists to a tornado that changed its path to quick. Makes me remember my job. Keep my guys safe and be their eyes and know the nearest turn off to retreat.

Something in my rules book posted on one of my blogs says how I don’t date in storm season. It seems that this year I’ll read it as “Don’t ask anyone out” and let it mean “sure I’d like to go out. Thanks for asking”. I can say that the YOUNG lady thats been around has already been in the office when we have been on solid for hours. She has learned that nothing is ever set in stone until the moment is almost there. She has been my quick fix of my version of PTSD so far. I find it odd that when I’m not looking someone turns the tables and throws me a curve ball. I really don’t like not being in control however there is yet nothing to control.

Yesterday I vanished for a bit, saw old friends and noticed that I am getting old and hav been stuck in my ways to much to long and need to explore options out there and not to be rushed into anything. Today was church and a movie followed by work in office before coming home and doing some research.

Be safe..

You know you’re 100% Oklahoman if

1. You can properly pronounce Eufaula, Gotebo, Okemah, and Chickasha .

2. You think that people who complain about the wind in their states are sissies.

3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

4. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

5. You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.

6. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.

7. Stores don’t have bags, they have sacks.

8. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.

9. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

10. You measure distance in minutes. (”I’m about 5 minutes away.”)

11. You refer to the capital of Oklahoma as “The City.”

12. It doesn’t bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash.

13. Little smokies are something you serve only for special occasions.
14. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.

15. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.

16. You know cowpies are not made of beef.

17. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.

18. You have known someone who has had one belt buckle bigger than your fist.

19. A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.

20. You know in which state “Miam-uh” is and in which state “Miam-ee” is.

21. You aren’t surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store.

22. Your “place at the lake” has wheels under it.

23. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F350 4×4 is.

24. You know everything goes better with Ranch.

25. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.

26. You actually get these jokes and are “fixin” to send them to your friends..

27. Finally, you are 100% Oklahoman if you have ever heard this conversation:

“You wanna Coke?”

“Yeah.”

“What kind?”

“Dr. Pepper.”

About me:

So I took a look at mie time sheet before I left.

Sat 5/18 1:44a-10:57a
Sun 5/19 3p-10:20pm (4 hours) sleep
Mon 5/20 3:15a-8:45a / 2:45p-10:31p  (4 hours) sleep
Tue 5/21 3a-130p (5) hours sleep
Wed 5/22 3:30-1200 / 2p-4p

Plus I got to sped the day with a secret.

I know this is geeky but this is my pings (every 3 minutes) for the month. Pings are not GPS but only what cell tower I’m on at a given time.

months worth of pings.

So as many of you might have noticed I had a time away from blogging because well it’s kind of hard to blog about life and such when one of the key actors in my story is a secret. Yes thats right a secret has kept me from posting because it’s been in the fabric of my life and everyday life until last night when such secret crossed many lines and ended up in the /dev/null category.

Rule #1 is also covered in the bible about coveting others etc. In my book it reads “Do not flirt or make any action to a married woman that could be taken as romantic” This means I can flirt all I want as long as they and their partners are aware of my intentions or lack there of.

The #1 rule I’ve always held close is that I will never do to a guy what has been done to me previously. Somewhere in the early stages of January I broke that rule and continued to suppress it until last night.

Timing is about everything and this situation had the worst because no-one wins. If this was to be tried when rule #1 wasn’t being broken then I think a happy and very satisfactory outcome would be great. I leave that option open for the future but I’m not crossing my fingers. I’ve delt with mind games from partners enough to know how to play them reverse them and be abused by them. All in all I don’t like them. Friday night was a bad night. We have just finished sweeps, I had seen MID3 with friends from church and came home to nap till 10pm. A very interesting exchange of texts were had and I figured out that I was being interrogated i.e. mind game. When I asked why etc. She claimed she was “just fishing” and was looking to see where we stood. I made a post of Twitter about this however NEVER mentioned, conveyed, pointed to this person as the subject. After the post on Twitter I received multiple txt messages that were not things you say to someone you care about but less a stranger. I went to bed turning the phone off at 1:20a.

Happy Today!

This morning I prayed about things and I wanted to talk to Cass about my choices but she’s on wedding on some island. I looked at what we had, we had coming and what was on down the road. Every scenario I ran had this “The relationship would have to remain a secret for no less than 8 months and then I would not be able to relay information I have gained and would have gained at the end of the tunnel. Now I have to say the person I could see myself happily with and the additions in the future but not without a ton of deceit. Sometime this morning I sent her a txt saying to please un-follow me on twitter, delete me from her phone and un-friend me on facebook. I in turn backed up all my TXT’s and FB stuff then deleted it off my phone and other media. I hate to do via txt but I had no other options without causing harm. The sting enough was harsh.

So After a few hours I checked and I was no longer friends with her and I don’t know if she un-followed me or not. I wish her the best.

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Added so I’ve been asked by 2 people so I’ll add it here. Yes she claimed to “love” me however I was/am unable to say I clearly had the same feeling and that did factor into my decision.

Oh yea this was #1 of 3 Friday the 13ths this year.

I have been having a rough job waking up in the mornings since my return I’ve cut back on sleep meds to going to bed early.. So far no dice. Friday went pretty quiet a small chase, stabbing and someone going into labor at Walmart. After the shows wrapped up I was back in my studio when one of our engineers walked in and told me I needed to catalogue every PC that was under my realm. Last count I had 38 but he wants all the goodies like machine name, MAC address, IP, how many usb ports are used and why, what keyboard or mouse interface is. etc..  This on top of re-doing the layout all due by mid week.

Friday had lunch at Hideaway with a friend and had a great conversation  and decided we needed to meet up more offen. I have so many friends that I should do lunch with. I miss a lot of my friends that all work day shifts so I can normally do. I dunno why I never do but Nichole, Lindsay, Sarah and others.. Weird. My friday night was pretty boing..

Saturday is the best day. I slept all day with several little interruptions like I had 5 pieces of pineapple upside-down cake and a full box of trix. I also some how went thru a quart of apple juice.

Sunday was pretty much planned way ahead of time I got up made sure I’d shaved and showered and got on the road about 5min late. Traffic on the BA was light so I made up that in no time flat. Got to church and this weird guy that likes to sit in front of Cassie and I was there trying to talk my ear off as I was just dropping my stuff off to goto coffee bar. Once I had returned with my hot chocolate Cassie was passing me throwing her stuff down and she was off to the line then Brett #2 grab’d a seat and we talked a bit then Cass returned. P&W today was good and I’m not a big fan of the series were in however I did enjoy a few tid bits. We decided to go see “We bought a zoo” at 11:10. The movie was pretty good and one scene showed a ton of snakes jumping at you some kid near the front row had a major freakout and was screaming. We all decided on Lone Star for lunch and believe it or not but there was NO wait. This is like a total 1st. I had a great steak with fries and apple sauce =). After lunch we all said goodbyes and I headed to downtown as they headed out toward Claremore. I had an e-mail saying a few things were not working so I stopped by the office to re-route some computers and hopefully bypass any glitches they might have had. I spent a few minutes chatting up a few co-workers I don’t get to see much then hit the road to the house with windows down and pandora jamming. I can always tell where AT&T’s towers get screwy because pandora buffers while the towers change.  I got home did some laundry and winding down. I reset my server in .se and need to fix my .bz before next week.

Welp there’s my weekend.. Enjoy

Oh, and yes I’m still pondering my steps that I take and watching the water wash away my previous steps. So I guess theres no going back. For now I’m mearly pacing the thin white sometimes very blurry line. The game is the same and the players are lined up at their starting points just waiting for the guns blast.

I posted a few blogs recently and I always find that at the start of every year I blog daily and that’s weird. Some things change over the years  I get my 1st grey hair, I spend countless amounts of time staring at code that I wrote 4 years ago and have not a clue how I did. Of course this was back when I’d code 20hrs a day and ended up starting to leave myself notes for times just like this. I miss ambien.. well no I don’t because it doesn’t even affect me anymore.

I’ve got a few projects are are growing on me and 1 of them is going to cause some scuff about access rights at work to something. I’m not picky but today I got to see the code of what they want us to use and I’m pissed because I could have coded better in my sleep but were paying this company for it’s services. argh.

Anyway I’ve gotten some feedback on 1 of my posts and really don’t know how to address them. They bring up several valid points that affect me in some ways I’d not thought about. Do I really want to sit and wait for months? I’m a firm believer that I’ll run into “that someone” but just how much do I want to invest in that? With anything comes risks and additions that would take adjustments to get used to. Rules aren’t always important to me except for a few and I’m seriously thinking about breaking one of the biggest rules. Of course I’ll have to account to myself and my friends that I’ve failed in breaking of the rule. The ramifications are numerous and will follow me to my grave. BUT will I regret the choice I make? I believe that every rule has a reason to be made, maintained and guarded. But is there really ever a good reason to break one?

I need to find a book of exceptions and exemptions to see if I can use a scapegoat that I can hide under a velvet cover and when someone criticizes me I can pull the cover and have them instantly know what my intentions and thoughts are and were at the time. I know a few people I can contact to get advice on the topic and feel them out. I’ve asked Cassie and she has shed her opinions on it and she’s cryptic but she ultimately wants me happy. The choice will be mine however I don’t known when I render that choice. Have I already broken it for thinking about breaking it?

Anyway thats enough of my mental babble today since I’m sure soon enough if not already my thoughts will vanish as a silent keystroke.

So if you didn’t know my best friend is Cassie and I kinda like to keep her around because shes always there when I need her. Some might think that there’s more to it with her but really there isn’t. I love her to death and shes the best friend a guy could have. I’ve known Cassie for about 6 years and she used to work with me and the fun hours. Back then I was attending Asbury in Tulsa and assisting their video production etc. Well after a few months of what I call abuse I decided church wasn’t fun anymore. I spent a month not going anywhere and knew god had something in store for me but if I didn’t try I’d never known. I had a friend Katie whom ran across a young adult group at a baptist church that I liked until I felt they were just a little weird and I got out of there and a few months later Katie bailed also. I seriously had no idea how to find a church I wanted to attend. I want contemporary praise and worship with a  leader and singers with the words projected not from a hymnal. There was a church called Guts I went to and I left 1/2 thru the service after feeling like it was a cult of sorts. I tried Life Church and others. I would look in the phone book or google and see when their service started and would just show up and sit somewhere and “audit” the church. After about a year of random churches here and there I was bitching about it in the newsroom and Cassie whom had only been there a few months said she was going thru the same thing with her husband Brett #1 and her friend Corina and they had found a church in southern Broken Arrow called Destiny Church and I waited a few weeks then decided to jump in and go and I was floored. This church was everything I was looking for and I had the bonus of having Cassie and her husband so I wasn’t alone. After a year or so Cassie had moved jobs and broke the news that she was moving to Texas with her husband as he took a new job. I was sad but still went to Destiny and got involved in their singles program which wasn’t much of anything. Every few weeks Cassie would show up to church for her “fix” and see family. I missed her and I was going thru some horrid issues and the only consistent thing was the church. In late 2010 Cassie came back for a few weeks to do office work where she had been working remotely. It was good to see her and go grab lunch after church and just chat about life. Sometime in late 2010 early 2011 Cassie came back and said she was back for good without Brett #1 and that they were getting a divorce. Cassie doesn’t like to push her problems on others but she opened up to me and I could see how good of an actor she really was. All thru 2011 we have had a standing date that we’d meet at 9am every Sunday and then lunch or a movie and if we really got crazy we’d eat after a movie. I think the thing about Cassie to me shes like a sister or best friend you were born to meet. Sometime in 2011 Cassie introduced Brett #2 to me and church and he would join us afterwards to lunch or movie. I don’t mind sharing Cassie but I’m protective of her. To Start off 2012 sound the bell because Brett #1 is back at our church granted we have yet to cross paths with him I figure it’s only time. Now Cassie met Brett #2 after #1 was gone so there was no wrong doing. She just has a thing for Bretts =)

I hope in 2012 that I get to keep Cassie in my life regardless the choices I make or the directions she moves in her life. I will just have to tell anyone I date seriously that it’s a package deal. Cassie has great things in her future I can just tell..

Thanks for being there kiddo.

-jc

Well on December 31st I had little planned since Cassie and Brett #2 were going to Arkansas for the weekend. I went to church and planned on going home to change before attending one of the NYE events I had tickets to in downtown. I got back home about 8 and got online and that’s where the trouble started. Like most people I was on twitter and facebook wishing everyone a happy new year as the timezones crossed.
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So now the back story.. I moved into the house I currently live when I was 6 years old. Granted I’ve moved several times in a few states but between my mother and I we have figured a way to keep it occupied and always someplace to land if needed. Next door is a cute older couple that have roughly 6 grandchildren that over the course of the years we all grew up together each weekend rather it be rapping on a local tv station or countless times a moped made circles in our hood. We would spend late nites running all over the neighborhood and days playing on CB radios. Of the 3 closest we would rule the end of the block. I spent many days teasing or throwing rocks in the direction of the girls just because well I was young and thats what I did. One of the girls always got the receiving end of my “mean streaks” and harassment because well that’s how you tell a girl you like her.. right? Skip ahead about 10 years and everyone was driving their own cars and the every weekend visits dwindled to monthly or when I was gone to Texas, OKC or wherever. When I was 16 I asked 1 of the girls to a date of sorts and it ended up being me meeting her at work for a lunch break at the nearest Subway. After that day things get fuzzy. This girl was having a rough life as a teenage mother of an adorable daughter and didn’t need me in the mix. I honestly can’t remember the exact reason or time when contact was lost. I have seen the kids that I grew up with bringing their children over and now the grandkids ruled the roost next door.

In July of 2010 I ran across someone on Facebook and sent a friend request that was accepted however for over 10 months not a word was said between us. No commenting on pictures, telling her happy birthday.. nadda.  I can honestly say that I had no clue about her other than she now had kids and lived in Broken Arrow. I never facebook stalked her so I was well unaware of many things. In September of 2011 facebook did a update that allows you to see when your friends post or what songs their listening to etc. I started noticing that my friend would be posting inspirational stuff which my always wacky and crazy status’s I’m sure that scares most off. Anyway I started commenting and giving thumbs up on her post and I’d notice once in a while she would like one of my posts. I’d say it was around October that I noticed her marital status had changed but no one was talking about it on her book and I was not in the position to ask her. The rest of the fall and into winter we would trade off comments or posts.

———–

So around December 29th we started chatting about stupid stuff and playing cautch-up on things like where she worked, what previous jobs and school etc.. BORING stuff..December 30th we got to the deep topic of coffee -vs- diet pepsi and how we both didn’t like beer. So NYE I was just running down the list of people online and ran across her and figured I’d say hi and see what she was up to and if she had any crazy plans for NYE.. We typed back and forth until about 2am. I had to be up the next morning to have breakfast with mom then Cassie was coming home to take me to dinner and a movie. I woke up about noon on my bday and was nowhere near hungry so I had to blow off my idea of breakfast with mom but I was saving my stomach for some steak and fries
Well as the day all of my friends came out of the woodworks and sending txt or posting on FB or twitter I swear I maxed out all methods of texting and FB chat. I had the day planned out but all plans went to hell and Cassie ended up staying in AR so mom made me spaghetti and I kept chatting away with everyone. Sunday night it had mostly slowed down and Cassie an I re-arranged our Monday so we could do a movie and lunch. I think my final message to my friend was around 10pm. Well over the next few days we have been trying to figure out what the other didn’t know.

Sometime during my vacation Dec 20 – Jan 4 I realized that my fascination with redheads may have been a long time in the making before Maria whom I modeled as the perfect woman for me. I took I think 8 things about her that I wanted in a mate. In no certain order.. Ginger or Redhead, over 5’3 under 6′, under 160pds, no kids living at home, C cup or below, Green or hazel eyes, have the attitude common with redheads. Long or short I wanted Maria back but that train had already left the station. Over the last 10 years since Maria, I’ve realized I’m not trying to replace her and after spending time with her talking about her 4 kids and loving husband. I’ve realized my expectations were set way to high and I should change them. If you have been a reader of this random accounts of my life you will know that last labor day I made a big change and as of December 1 I reactivated my online dating sites etc.  Sometime the week of Jan 1st I realized that someone with 90% of those traits was talking to me in chat. The rest all I can say is that I’m going to enjoy chatting with my old friend again.

Hope you have fun….