So over the last few months my life and world has been slowly heading to a bad place. I’ve been changing drugs every 6 weeks that are to alter my mood, attitude and overall everything. I’ve done this before and had been able to rebound. I’ll give you a brief summary. 3 years ago I was abusing a prescription drug and got help. While on the way to fix this I was diagnosed with a mental issue. Most of you know my mind NEVER stops and takes a break. I constantly have thoughts running thru it. Some people ask why don’t you just lay down? I can but I will end up thinking about laying down and it’s all a long loop that prevents me from hitting that “sleep” spot. They diagnosed me as having mania and being manic. This is included in the disorder Bi-Polar but it more directed to those that have manic episodes. To be described to me was to erratically change moods on the fly and not keeping the same mood for long periods of time. I DO NOT FIT THAT however they figured since I had similar symptoms that I was now being treated for Bi-Polar. Since 2009 I’ve tried 18 different meds for Depression, Seizures, and Sciz-o etc. I can’t tell you how many combos were also tried. She would try a drug solo for a few weeks then add another drug(s) to get a better effect. We had a workable solution however it required me to sleep 14 hours and go to bed at 3pm. THIS was not acceptable and I advised her of that. After a few months and me having issues of if I didn’t get to bed BY 5pm I would be drunkish for my 2am drive. This started affecting my work and it also affected my safety of driving while pretty much drunk. I went back to doctor on scheduled visit and was told that “There are no more options for you” I took a look at where I was in life. I didn’t have much of one. I decided to look for more options and did just that. Starting in July I found a new Doctor to get a FRESH prospective from because NOONE should have to live taking 14 pills at night… EXAMPLE:. 3pm (4) of one (3) of another and yet (3) of a 3rd. I could drive and do tasks that needed all of my attention until about 4:30 then I was fucked. At 5 I would take a total of 6 pills of different meds. And at 6 I would take the rest including a pill for sleep 😉 . Sometimes I was so drowsy by 5 that I just took everything and said F’ it. IF I violated this timeline it affected my JOB and wake-up time. Sometimes I’d go thru the crap just to wake up WIDE AWAKE at 10pm and be wide awake no matter HOW powerful of sleep med I took. (Trust me I’m a sleeping med junkie I know what doses should kill me) Anyway tossing and turning from 10-1a sucked then I’d just go to Wal-Mart or find something to do before I arrive to work.
July! I arrive at new doc after filling out an online questionnaire of some 500 questions asking every mental question you can think of including “Have you thought about killing yourself while taking this survey?” I almost said YES because it was in there a ways. On the online forms I filled in that I’ve been treated for Bi-Polar II. I met with my new doctor and he had scanned my questions I can tell by his questions he directed at me. We spent about 30 minutes talking about drugs and side-effects etc. about 15min into the conversation said “I don’t think you are bi-polar” and I for once agreed. I have no mood swings, No manic episodes etc. He takes me off 3 drugs then and he expresses his concerns on a drug I was on and explained that “I would take you off it however it takes 4 weeks to detoxify from it” The bad part is I wouldn’t be able to ramp UP on a drug to replace it until I was off. I.e. I’d be slowly sliding into nothing waiting on new drugs.
********************** This is where things get fun ***************
While my meetings with doctors we came across a plan. I needed to get of the 9 prescribed drugs for a disorder that we jointly don’t agree with. I decided to make a BIG boy step and we setup a plan. The goal of getting off 9 drugs.. Some of them HIGH dosages in a RAPID manner and go pretty much clean.
August 26th at 3pm I checked myself into a hospital in Tulsa to detoxify off of all my drugs in a matter of days. I checked in to a facility that could handle my unique situation and given tons of HIPPA rules and what I want to publicly reveal that’s all you get =) On August 31st I walked out on “3” drugs those including Adderall for ADDHD (taken since 13), a HIGH powered sleep medicine that I can’t remember the name of but is not common and a “mood stabilizer” low dose.
In the weeks since I’ve had MASSIVE acme breakouts that I didn’t like =) It seems 1 of the many drugs I was taking depressed my bodies abilities to deal with things. I’ve noticed that my feelings, moods, thought are crisp and raw. My heart is on my sleeve and in a tiny bubble protecting it. I’m currently working on re-learning to control my feelings and moods. Those anger issues that disappeared have reappeared but are nowhere near as bad.
Ok so there you go I’ve gone thru a drastic change and am overall the same person with the same attitude and ideas. I plan on several tweaks on meds and probably adding another to the mix.