Medications and random tid bits

In the past weeks I’ve gone from a ton of medications to a few. A few changes with attitude, energy, memory and a few other areas have been noticed.

I noticed today the Adderall I take for ADDHD needs to be up’d and a stronger dose because I was all over the place today at church. I noticed with the rundown for the service and worship slides I did much better than weeks before I couldn’t memorize the slides as I saw them rather I had to read as I sang. Today I was able to glance at them and be set.

Attitude.. Boy this one has changed and I honestly can’t tell you how. I know I’m expressing myself better from feedback from coworkers that are noticing changes but have yet to pinpoint them. I’m more into the team ordeal and not just off in my corner for all 5 hours just a voice in the headseats to everyone. I know I’m not in the taking shit mood from people and I think that has suprised more than 1 person that I’m not allowing myself as a bridge.

Energy.. I used to have a pretty good level of power and energy but since my return it has dwindled to nothing. This morning I could have cared less if I got out of bed except my body was awake and hard to goto sleep when my body says “Hi were’e awake for now”. I really feel blah as to the point I have no real desire to do anything or make any effort to do anything. Before I would goto movies and such after work now I look into a open void when I used to see choices. This is where the possible 4th pill might come from. I’m not thinking about the depression aspect of anything until I’m positive that I’ve compleated detox. I’m not there yet. I do need to do like I did today and FORCE myself to do tasks, events and see friends old and new.

Memory I touched on already I think 😉  ahhahah I have a referral to a specialist and I honestly think since detox that my memory issues short term have been delt with but I still have issues.

I just think I need motivation to do more things and maybe gain a 2nd job to take some of the time away from me. I dunno a lot of things are stiring about and I need to open them up and see just WTF is going on =).

Relationships. I have 5 possibles that I’d look at. A few from the past that I know I’d never have a shot at (1) and others that I honestly don’t know I’d want to have an ongoing relationship with but I’m sure I could spur a good friendship out of just about any of them.

Meds the topic of this blog.. We have been sticking to the 3 added and 1 core med and not making any changed yet all around me my mind and body is changing as if it were on meditations. I blame this on detox.  The sleep med I’ve been experimenting with being able to wake up from a sleep and able to re-enter sleep without much trouble. I’ve yet to experiment with drowsiness when awake and such to be alert. I also want to back to dose down a hair and see how that fairs. I’ve doubled up on the mood stablizer anytime I feel I’ll be needing to make emotional choices and that seems to have helped. I relize I’m on it because taking someone off a mood med when they have been on one for YEARS is rash so they left me on one but from the research this is about as mild (allowed used in 10yrlds) of a stimulant you can get and granted I’m not even on a high dose. just to keep my heart off my sleeve. Currently heart status is now in a nice safe with 1 inch walls and I’m thickening them as you read this post.

Hope this gives you a nice update on things. My conscience is really fucked up so don’t just think what I might do is right =)